internal processing

as i was writing my prayer letter this week and spending a half-day with the Lord, i began to realize that sometimes i do my best reflection and processing and learning when i sit down and write it out. which i did actually know before, as journaling has always been one of my favorite activities, but now i want to do it more purposefully and share some of the things that i have been seeing the Lord do in my life and ministry. then hopefully i will learn better from it all.

this week as i met with my trainer (alicia) we were discussing how things were going in my times with the Lord and in my bible studies. it has been hard for me to have some real personal time with the Lord lately. time as always is short and it often takes me a long time to actually get into reading & processing whatever it is i am studying. so a short 20-30 minutes often is not very fruitful for me. but as i shared how my bible studies were going i began to realize how the Lord had been meeting me in so many different ways that i hadn't even realized at first.

we were discussing my training group. this group is now made up of six sophomore girls. three of the girls i led last year in a freshmen bible study and three of the girls have transferred to the uw this year. it makes for an interesting mix. as i shared what we had been studying (philippians) and how the girls were doing, i began to see some amazing changes and almost got goosebumps as i got a vision for how the Lord could use them in the future.

stephanie was one of the first girls i met last year as i did evangelism in my target area of old ogg. i still remember knocking on her door with alicia and discussing christian rock bands, particularly skillet. it was a funny conversation. she had grown up in the church, was fairly confident in her faith, but not really sure where she wanted to go with it. since last year, she has really grown. she still gets frustrated and stressed, but she is one of my most consistent girls in attending and participating in bible study. she has so many friends and tries to be there for each and every one of them, no matter what. she has such a heart for them and i love it when she shares about experiences, both good and bad, in ministering to them. she also was the first one to join a ministry team this year and get involved in the movement beyond just bible study and our weekly meeting (aka primetime).

lindsay is stephanie's other half. for most of last year, you didn't get one without the other. they were the only ones to check out some of our retreats and events beyond bible study and primetime. lindsay can be quieter and more reserved than steph, but has a deep knowledge of the word and her relationship with Christ. she comes from a tough background, and yet continues to rely on Christ and tries to take care of her whole family in spite of her own hurt and struggles. to see the change in lindsay from the beginning of last year to now has been one of the best parts of my internship. she can still be somewhat reserved, but when she does share, her thoughts always teach me something and she has really begun to be more vulnerable with our group and with me. she is definitely not an extrovert, and yet she was the only one last year to take a step out and attend big break and learn to share her faith. she is always volunteering to go out sharing with me, and has really developed a heart for the lost. she also was one of the first girls to apply for summer project from our bible study. that is a huge step of faith for her as her family is not in a position to be very supportive of that and she has no idea where her support for summer project will come from if she does get accepted. her dry sense of humor always makes me laugh and lindsay has not only just joined a ministry team, but she has joined two ministry teams in our movement! it is so fun to see her serve and to connect with others in the movement and see her life change through those interactions.

angie. just the thought of her makes me smile. while not as consistent as lindsay and steph last year, she still came pretty faithfully and even began to bring a friend with her. not as willing to participate in other movement events, she still came to bible study and always had something to add to the conversation. i wasn't sure if she would continue on to training group this year, but she has come every week. she joined the prayer team, despite the fact that last year in bible study, no one besides me ever wanted to pray out loud! the biggest and most exciting change i have seen in angie this year is she has been sharing her faith like crazy. from a girl who would occasionally come to bible study and that was the only place she really talked about her faith, to a girl who is sharing her faith with some of her closest friends, it has been so cool to see. she has definitely encountered some resistance and it has not been easy, but yet she continues to share with more of her friends. just the thought of it makes me almost (!) want to cry. the Lord has really done a work in her heart.

now on to some of our newer members. anna was the first new addition to our group. she transferred in from uw-eau claire and has been a great blessing to our group and to our movement. outgoing and bold and strong in her faith, anna has brought a strong dynamic to our group. always willing to share her thoughts and to step out in faith, just her presence i think has deepened our group. after a tough experience with wanting to go on the vision trip to east asia but being met with serious resistance from family, anna didn't let it get her down, but instead mobilized others to give and pray for the group and then applied for summer project despite the reality that she will probably face some of the same opposition from her family. her willingness to step out and trust the Lord that if he is truly calling her there, he will provide the financial support and hopefully the understanding from her family to go has really taught me what it means to be bold and trust in the Lord.

dana was the second to join us this year. she is so much fun. transferring after one semester at minnesota and one semester at uw-marathon county, dana came ready to be involved and to meet people. after a year of some struggles and growth, dana was ready to really enjoy college and enjoy being a part of a larger movement. i love how she has opened up right away and always shares her thoughts and opinions. she keeps discussion alive and has pushed the other girls on to opening up and sharing just by her participation in the conversation. the first to apply (and be accepted!) to summer project, dana definitely has the skills and desire to be a great leader. kind, compassionate, fun, and willing to learn, i'm so excited to see how the Lord will use her in other women's lives.

colleen is the most recent addition to our group. i'm still getting to know her, but the Lord just continues to bless me with women who are definitely the next leaders of our movement. a strong and committed woman of God, colleen came to us from minnesota too. (poor minnesota) ;) already applied to summer project, colleen participates and adds a great dimension to our study. not as outgoing or vocal as anna or dana, yet she exudes a quiet confidence and dependence on the Lord that is an example to each of us. i'm excited to continue to get to know her and learn from her.

a few others have come and gone for various reasons, but this is what the Lord has blessed me with this semester. i may come to our study having spent more time in preparation, but i would be willing to bet that i come away from the group having learned more than anyone else in the room. i think that is one of the best parts about my job. i may be the one leading, but the Lord is always good to show me that i am not in control and i still have just as much to learn about what it means to truly follow after Him. the Lord continues to teach me through his word as i study and prepare for bible study (we are studying philippians right now and will begin the book master plan of evangelism soon), but i also gain so much through the way that he works in these girls lives. i sit amazed by the fact that God would use me in their lives and yet i am concious of the fact, that i am doing nothing. it is His Spirit within me that i have anything to offer at all.

"and this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ-- to the glory and praise of God." -philippians 1:9-11