miranda's musings...

on campus

2011-02-02T12:37:00.002-06:00

so it is officially a snow day here at uw-oshkosh, and yet here i am sitting in the student union and it is BUSY! there are students everywhere. i think there is some sort of an info fair going on ( there are a lot of booths with sororities and fraternities), so i was a little surprised because when i was walking from the car to the union, i saw 2 people. that was it. crazy.

if you couldn't tell from that last paragraph, i'm on campus! and not just to hang out, i'm actually starting this semester! hip hip hooray!

i went to my first meeting on monday night and met some of the student leaders. i kind of forgot about how many names i'm going to have to learn! the students were all very welcoming and excited to see me. i'm still working on figuring out exactly how my schedule is going to go, but so far it has been exciting just to be on campus and with the staff team.

the campus in general feels a little more like whitewater, so that is fun and different from madison. :) its definitely a transition from ministry in madison and support raising, so it will take a little adjustment, but i'm feeling good about it.

my youngest brother daniel is a student here and today we drove to campus together. i'm excited about that for a few different reasons...
1. his car is nicer than mine :)
2. when we are at home, he sits on his computer in the basement & only emerges for food, so this will provide some actual time that i can talk with him.
3. i will hopefully get to share more about what we are doing in Crusade and maybe at some point he will want to check it out.

all in all, its been a fun week so far. i'm excited to see what else the Lord has in store for me here on campus.

please continue to pray that support would continue to come in. i lowered my goal so i could report, but i would like to be at full support by this summer.

i just got a copy of our group picture from tcx, so i thought i would include that!

and last but not least, here is a verse that i discovered towards the beginning of my support-raising process...
"See, the Lord your God has set the land before you. Go up, take possession, as the Lord, the God of your fathers, has told you. Do not fear or be dismayed."

it was true when i claimed it in that process and it is still so true as i look to reach this campus with the love of Christ!

TCX 2010

2011-01-02T12:20:00.000-06:00

sorry for the long absence from the blogging world, but i'm back and i plan on being here for a while.

i figured tcx would be a good way to get things rolling again. i had planned on trying to blog every day to share stories, but of course that did not happen. trying to get internet access and time was somewhat difficult here!

it has been a great conference so far. we've had some interesting complications to deal with, even more so than other years, but God is still providing and moving here.

the staff always arrives a day early to prepare and enjoy a little staff family time. it feels great to reconnect with friends that i only get to see at conferences and through e-mail and phone calls. despite living all over the upper midwest region (wi, mn, ia, nd, sd) these people understand me and care for me in ways that other friends just can't relate to.

the students arrived on the 28th in a flood. this was the first year i didn't work in the actual registration room, so it felt a little strange to not greet them and check them in, but i am enjoying my role this year. i help lead a team of staff that is basically a gopher team. we run errands and perform tasks that other teams need help with to keep the conference running smoothly. it can be an interesting job ( like where can i find 4 track hurdles?!) and it is a great way to serve others. of course there are the headaches and sweat that comes with it too, but i think i've enjoyed it more this year than others.

our first session, we had a slight issue. our main speaker for the night, rick james, wasn't flying in until the last minute because his mother died over Christmas and the funeral was that morning. he then got stuck for 3 hours in traffic that did not move and missed his flight. so about 2 hours before the first session was supposed to start, we were without our main speaker. so my friend adam penning stepped up to the challenge and gave a great talk. i was on staff with adam at uw-madison. he gave a great talk on our theme "awaken" which comes from the verses found in ephesians 5:8-17:

8for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light 9(for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), 10and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. 11 Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. 12For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. 13But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, 14for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says,

"Awake, O sleeper,
and arise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you."

15 Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. 17Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.

we have around 1450 students here which is great! there are about 40 here from the fox valley. i've haven't had a lot of time to hang out with them, but anytime i do, they are so excited to see me and that is a great feeling. :)

thanks to technology, our morning session on the 29th, we were able to have rick james speak to us via skype! he was at home (possibly in his pyjamas!) and yet still able to speak to our students. what a blessing that was.

our other speakers this week are cheryl fletcher and darryl smith. if you want to hear any of their talks or hear other stories from tcx, check out www.tcx2010.com

darryl is the national director for student venture, campus crusade's high school ministry. we actually have a student venture conference going on here at the same time called fastbreak. i thought freshmen in college looked young, but i forgot how young high school students could look! :) its been fun to see them enjoying their own conference and join with us for the new years party.

we had a successful day of outreach with lots of fun stories coming from the fox valley students. in total 1121 spiritual conversations were initiated, 523 of those were Gospel conversations, and 79 people indicated a decision for Christ! the students are always so pumped up when they return, and this year, despite being completely soaked from the RAIN, they were still excited and couldn't stop talking about their day!

one of the fox valley students sharing her day of outreach story in front of the entire conference:

as the students shared their stories, a couple of my staff friends were on stage behind them writing the names of the people the students had shared with. it was really cool to watch and a great prayer spot the rest of the conference as they moved the boards out into the main gathering area.

i will admit i was quite tired by the time the new years party rolled around, but i did enjoy watching part of the dance competition and it is always a great feeling to pray and worship the new year in! singing chris tomlin's song our God (is greater) up until midnight with 2000 people is a pretty good start to the new year!

so happy new year to all of you and i pray that it is off to a good start for you too!

Living a Better Story

2010-02-22T16:29:00.003-06:00

I don't know what it is about the way Donald Miller writes, but I really enjoy it. It feels like a one-on-one conversation that is had in comfy chairs over a cup of coffee. I just finished his latest book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, and I enjoyed it just as much as Blue Like Jazz and Searching for God Knows What.

Again, Donald takes us on a journey through his life, what he's dealing with as he is presented with the opportunity to turn one of his books into a movie. Writing the screenplay turns out to be a bit different than he expected and he learns that what makes a good story might help him make a good life.

One of the things that struck me the most was his comparison of God as an author and us as characters. As an author, Donald talks about how despite the fact that he creates the characters, they still do what they want. The same happens with the way we live our lives. We choose to go our own way and do things the Writer wouldn't want for us. Donald admits: “It would always have been better to obey the Writer, the one who knows the better story.” I loved that analogy. It gave me a whole new perspective on my life and how I relate to God. I want to live a better story.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Christmas at home...

2010-01-10T20:47:00.000-06:00

Christmas began, of course, with everyone coming home. aaron & andrea arrived with proxy and my cat was not pleased. so he went in my room, pushed open the cabinet, pulled out some of my socks, and climbed in to hide. wow.

after all the excitement of people arriving, bizzie & proxy finally settled down and bizzie decided she could allow proxy near her.

Christmas Eve family pictures...

the baby gifts already started...

pretty girl...

this seems to be a tradition now. the boys (including dad!) all got mom the exact same thing: new headphones. i think we need to work on some communication skills....

aaron was a little more excited about his new gaming mouse than the baby stuff...

mr. darcy enjoying Christmas morning...

i got a gift from fiyero (yes, our dog). i was very confused until i opened it and discovered we now had matching snuggies! ;)

my brother daniel's girlfriend stephanie and her youngest sister grace wearing the scarves i knitted them for Christmas.

happy birthday Jesus! we had a great time celebrating as a family.

working on getting up to date...

2010-01-10T20:38:00.001-06:00

i know, i know. i'm not doing so great at keeping up with this blog. but at least there's lots of pictures. :)

remember how we got that big storm in the middle of december? yeah, that one where we got 15 inches of snow in one day? well, i figured that was a good time to run outside with my camera to snap just a couple of pictures.

after i made my mom take a picture of me first to send to my ministry partners of course!

i love how the snow stuck to the side of our house!

cookie bake time!

2009-12-13T21:26:00.000-06:00

our family has a tradition of a Christmas cookie bake after Thanksgiving. Grandma began it for the grandkids approximately 30 years ago. now the cookie bake is for the great-grandkids. but i still like to go. :) my cousins appreciate the help!

here are a few pictures to share a bit of the day:

turkey day

2009-12-13T21:09:00.000-06:00

i love thanksgiving. i don't know if its my favorite holiday...i don't even know if i have a favorite holiday. but i love going to the farm and hanging out with my family. most everyone comes to the farm for thanksgiving since it is deer season. :) so that helps.

my cousins are almost all older than me and have lots of kids, so fair warning there are a lot of pics of kids here. but then again i guess that makes up for all the dog pictures i've had....

my little cousin liana

ela helped her mom make cookies and she wanted to share them with everyone!

my dad is usually the brunt of a lot of teasing from my cousins deanna & kayla. but he wasn't feeling well after a root canal earlier in the week. so liana decided to take over for her mom and aunt and my brother aaron was the substitute for my dad! i love their faces in this one...

then liana decided to move on to my brother daniel...

i love the lineup of the girls with their grandpa...and the cans of squirt!

a silly moment with autumn

pretty smiles

come on aaron, let's make silly faces...

proxy got tuckered out

holly trying to convince adler that he is a vampire baby

how cute is this new addition to the family?

it was a great day. and a lot of food. mostly pie...yum.

my fur-niece

2009-12-08T11:08:00.001-06:00

my friend tamarra introduced me to the phrase "fur-nephew" when her brother got a dog. i liked it and decided fur-niece sounded just as good when referring to my brother's dog proxy. i LOVE playing with my fur-niece! i can only imagine how bad its going to get when i'm actually an aunt for real (I CANNOT WAIT FOR JUNE!!!) ! :)

anyways, being a proud fur-aunt (is that a correct phrase tamarra?), when my brother & sister-in-law came home for mom's birthday, it of course meant lots of quality proxy time! being the ever adorable dog that she is, here are a few classic proxy moments:

really? you're taking pictures of me again?

mmmm...yummy treats! can i have some more?

i'm not so sure what to think of this photography thing...

proud fur-dad

i want to see out the window like fiyero!

i don't fit on the back of the couch quite as easily...

this is what i think of you taking pictures of me...

i like helping daddy drive when we are going to the dog park!

Mom turns the big 5-oh!

2009-12-07T20:03:00.001-06:00

dad returned from his business trips, my brothers came home and grandma & aunt sheryl were still here, so we all went out to celebrate mom's birthday at a grill your own steak place. in the words of my grandmother, "why would i want to fix my own food if i'm going out to eat?!" haha. good thing we had dad along to fix most of our steaks!

grandma, mom & aunt sheryl

mmmmm. hello deliciousness!

the girlfriend, the brother, the sister-in-law, and the brother

cute grandma!

this "50" has made the rounds from wedding anniversary, to dad, and now to mom. he was very excited to have found it in the basement!

mom even got a gift from "baby gehrke"! my brother & sister-in-law are due in june and we can't wait!

it was a fun evening and we all had a good time celebrating mom!

kitchen moments

2009-12-07T19:51:00.000-06:00

we just celebrated my mom's birthday a couple of weeks ago. (it was a big one!)

my dad was away on a business trip, so we waited for the weekend for the big celebration. but my grandma and aunt were able to come up for a few days that week. i made dinner the night of mom's actual birthday (mmmmm Pioneer Woman's blackberry cobbler was amazing!) and we had a fun time just hanging out.

mom and grandma decided to make a couple apple pies to put in the freezer so we could enjoy them throughout the year. since pie-making is kind of a family staple (and by kind of, i mean it DEFINITELY is), i thought it would be nice to take a few pictures of it.

my grandma was not thrilled by the idea, but she let me continue! :)

always the helpful one...

2009-12-07T19:22:00.000-06:00

trying to change the sheets on my bed and this is how bizzie decides to help:

not so helpful.

oh well. that's the tradeoff for the snuggles and kisses and general joy when you walk in a room.

you can get comfy now bizzie...

the dog photoshoot

2009-12-07T19:02:00.001-06:00

most people like to blog about their kids and such. well, since i don't have any kids, i'm forced to blog about our pets. they are pretty cute. and fun. and snuggly. so i don't mind. before i went to madison for halloween, we were enjoying a leisurely afternoon and the dogs were being photogenic. here are some of the results:

as the weather has gotten cooler, fiyero has gotten more and more pathetic. he would just shiver and look up at you until you picked him up and carried him around with you. so our solution to help get rid of the pathetic look was to get him a snuggie!

isn't he cute?

we put bizzie's snow white costume on her since i wouldn't be around on halloween to see her in it.

she doesn't really love the headpiece, but the red ribbon does look nice on her! :)

this is fiyero's favorite spot:

i love this one...

he was still cold later on, even with the snuggie.

Halloween

2009-12-07T18:58:00.002-06:00

so i found myself in madison on halloween, which meant i was able to go to a costume party at a friend's house. it was so fun to see a lot of people from church and i was able to come up with a cheap & easy costume that i really liked!

here i am as hermione granger (from harry potter) along with steph the cowgirl, holly the gangster/hip hop dancer/k-fed, and tamarra as my hogwarts pal luna lovegood. :)

mk showed up as the heisman trophy. it was an amazing costume and she ended up winning the prize for best female costume at the end of the night!

tamarra had fun with her wand and at one point decided she could be princess unicorn. "my horn can pierce the sky!" (if you don't understand, then you should probably watch the office)

this might be my favorite picture from the night. this is our best luna & hermione look!

we convinced becky to join us for the night, despite her protests of not really liking people. she and holly were facing off. gangsta vs. trekkie. i like it.

obama was there handing out money from the rich to the poor. i was more than willing to take my share!

a few friends who were in my life group in madison at one point or another. that is one of the things i miss the most about madison.

what a cute trekkie!

it was a great night and we all had a lot of fun!

meet me in st. louis part 3

2009-11-17T20:42:00.002-06:00

of course, what would a trip to st. louis be without a stop at the arch?

the walk up to the arch through the park was beautiful...

a view of downtown from the top...

where we were the day before...

holly at the top (she'd never been up there before!)

one last stop before we left town...we headed to the budweiser brewery

clang, clang, clang went the trolley

ding, ding, ding went the bell....

(yes, we did watch the movie while we were in st. louis. i had never seen it before! guess how often meet me in st. louis was stuck in our heads....)

meet me in st. louis part 2

2009-11-16T21:11:00.001-06:00

the big event of the weekend was of course the colts vs rams game. i'd never been to the edward jones dome before despite all my trips to st. louis. it was pretty fun!

fire and an attempt at excitement on the rams behalf didn't help them much when it came to the actual game.

the handoff for a touchdown:

the view of the dome. despite being up a ways, we had a great view of the whole field and we were almost completely surrounded by colts fans which was pretty fun! almost felt like we were in indy!

sack!!

run joe run!

i thought this was a cute moment. i was trying to get a shot of the three quarterbacks (painter, sorgi & manning) but i also ended up with a nice shot of reggie wayne & dallas clark. :)

my favorite moment of the game was when jim sorgi got to go in. i cheered extra loud for him which kind of confused the colts fans around us. but when i explained i was from wisconsin and that is where jim played in college they understood! even better was that he handed off right away for a touchdown! yay jim!

the colts dominated the game and we had a great time! (i will admit that it is not hard for me to find something to wear in colts colors!)

meet me in st. louis

2009-11-16T20:49:00.000-06:00

holly and i headed to st. louis for a weekend adventure in october. she kind of likes this team called the colts.... and they were playing the rams that weekend so she was able to buy 2 tickets to the game from a co-worker. he apparently has season tickets to the rams despite the fact that it is a 6 hour drive from madison to st. louis. strange.

anyways, i have a sneaking suspicion that i was given the extra ticket because i know st. louis and am much better at directions than she is. ;) haha. okay, i know she likes me too. but my knowledge of the city and ability to navigate around the big city was at least a helpful factor in my invitation. also the fact that she made a list of things to do this year and going on a roadtrip with me was one of the things on the list. so she had to do it at some point.

despite a few interesting kinks to our drive down to st. louis, we made it fine and headed to a st. louis blues game. i love hockey.

my grandparents used to live in the st. louis area and so when we would go down for Christmas, we used to go to an occasional blues game. but it had been so long since we had been to a game, that i had never been in the scottrade center where they now play. the last time i had been to a game, they were still playing in the checkerdome. yikes.

anyways, the game was really fun.

hello ty conklin. i'm sorry you don't play for the redwings anymore.

i'd forgotten that the last nhl game holly and i went to was right before the playoffs started and since both teams were in the playoffs, there wasn't much fighting because no one wanted to get a stupid injury or suspension. however, this game was early on in the season. so there was plenty of fighting going on. within the first 2 minutes of the game a fight broke out.

holly wore her minnesota north stars shirt since the blues were playing the dallas stars. she didn't cheer too loudly though because we were both amused and a little frightened of the guy sitting next to us. ;)

the blues ended up losing, but it was still fun to be at the game.

not my stories to tell...

2009-11-16T16:22:00.001-06:00

Student Impact (UW-Madison's branch of Campus Crusade) is doing a different kind of an outreach. using the power of social networking sites like facebook, twitter, and blogs, the students were challenged to write out their testimony, the story of what God has done in each of their lives.

here are a few stories from some of the women i worked with in Madison:

and here are a few other stories from some friends:

God is pretty awesome!

still catching up...

2009-11-15T16:10:00.000-06:00

well, i'm still behind on my blogging, but as long as the Packers are going to pull out a surprising win, i thought i would post this.

go Packers!

fall football

2009-11-12T15:23:00.002-06:00

i'm not the world's biggest football fan. i don't mind watching it, but for the most part, i just don't care all that much.

unless its Badger football. i love the Badgers.

i was able to go to two games this year. iowa is having a surprisingly good season this year.

this game i got to go to because my sister-in-law got the swine flu. yikes. she's fine, but was definitely not able to go to the game. so i went with my parents and holly.

its always a funny time with my parents. :)

holly enjoyed recreating her badger "chomp" cheer with mom's badger paws. which were a big hit with the people around us. she could have made some real money off of those if she had wanted to sell them that day! :)

i also got to go to a game with a life group friend.

this one had a better final score than the iowa game. :)

it was also halloween, so bucky dressed up for the occasion. i didn't get a picture of his 1st quarter costume (a ninja) or his 2nd quarter costume (a ghost). the ghost was pretty funny though. he would walk up in front of a section and open a sign that said "boo" and the whole section would scream "ahhhh!" it was pretty amusing.

my favorites though were his 3rd & 4th quarter costumes.

haha. so funny.

yay badgers!

a big milestone

2009-11-11T15:23:00.000-06:00

happy 50th birthday Mom!

you are pretty much the greatest. and i have others to back me up on that.

i hope you enjoy your mac & cheese, asparagus & blackberry cobbler. mostly i hope it turns out decently. its only slightly intimidating to cook for you and grandma and aunt sheryl.

i'm just going to keep reminding myself that grandma always says "if you can read, you can cook." also, hopefully some genetic talent for cooking has been given to me through you guys. :)

i'm sure it will be fine.

and your day will be amazing!

love you!

missed adventures

2009-11-10T14:27:00.002-06:00

life got away from me and i realized i hadn't shared about a few recent adventures! i'm going to try to remedy that this week.

a few weeks ago, holly's sister heather came to visit. heather had come up in june and enjoyed her visit so much, she just had to come again! ;) so this time we decided to mix it up a little and take her and our friend stephanie to the farm.

i love the farm.

heather got to experience her first corn maze at one of the apple orchards we visited:

she let a calf suck on her hand...

and wasn't too impressed!

we walked through the fields to the top of the hill to enjoy the spectacular fall view. of course we were following my little cousin reis, who proceeded to stomp through every cow pie he could find. oh little boys.

before we left on sunday, i took the girls for a walk back through the fields on my grandparents farm. of course the dogs wanted to come with too! so our group ended up being 4 girls & 5 dogs! so funny...

helpful

2009-11-08T23:25:00.003-06:00

so i'm living at home these days. which means quality time with my parents and our family pets. i've particularly enjoyed the cuddle time with our 2 dogs.

sometimes though, they can get in the way.

like when i am trying to leave the house and all they care about is getting their kongs full of treats.

or when i'm trying to sit down on the couch and they seem to think the exact spot where i'm planning on sitting is where they want to move to.

or when i'm trying to clean up my room and actually make my bed for once.

thanks bizzie. that was helpful.

okay, now i'm finished. you can get comfortable again...

the final post on the wilderness book

2009-11-04T15:40:00.002-06:00

so it's been a while since i last posted on this. i finished the book a while ago, but had never taken the time to sit down and actually process through it. i was avoiding it.

but here it is. i exiled myself to starbucks and didn't start anything else until i had finished it. so here it goes.

wilderness skill #1: drink plenty of water

He invites us to come to Him and drink. Here, to "drink" means to believe, to trust, to experience...this is far more than simply knowing facts about Jesus. Think about it. Drinking implies experiencing Christ.

We first put ourselves in a position to behold him clearly. Since he is not here this is always done through his Word, whether read in the Bible, heard in a sermon, or seen in a life. Jesus said, "The words I have spoken to you are spirit and life" (John 6:63). We meet the life-giving Jesus today in his Word, and when he calls us to come and drink, it is his words to which we come.

"I don't want to ever get to a point that I think I can make it one minute without Him."

these were a couple passages i really enjoyed from this chapter. i love how she takes stuff i know in my head and have heard a million times and yet she brings it in a totally different light and i'm struck by it. i know i need to spend more time in the Word. but when she describes what drinking water is like, how it is to believe, to trust, to experience, things begin to click a little more between my head and heart. and yet again, i realize how lazy and lame i am most of the time...

i love that last quote that her friend said. she doesn't ever want to get to a point where she thinks she can make it one minute without him. oh man, i want that too. that's definitely not how i've been living though. even though i'm in fully time ministry and working on raising support, its easy to rely on my own strength. to think that the phone calls i make are all dependent on me. i need to remind myself more and more that i CANNOT make it even ONE MINUTE without HIM. yes, i have a responsibility, but i'm not dependent on MY strength. which is good. because i'm pretty weak and lazy when it comes to making calls.

wilderness skill #2: seek shelter

"The name of the Lord is a strong tower; The righteous runs into it and is safe" (Proverbs 18:10)....God's name represents His nature. Whenever the Lord reveals His name, He discloses an aspect of His character.

i love this. one of my favorite studies i've ever done is Lord, I Want to Know You by Kay Arthur. it is a study on the different names of God. it is so good. it really opened my eyes to the character of God and how the names reveal that. it really widened my perspective and deepened my knowledge of God.

one of my favorite names of God that struck me during that study and still does to this day is El Roi, the God who sees. it is found in the story of Hagar. it is just always comforting to know that even when He feels far away, He sees. He knows what is going on in my life. what i want. who has hurt me. where i want to be.

If, in your wilderness, you hesitate to run to Him, you might want to revisit who you think God is. If your image of God doesn't line up with His revelation of who He is, then you very well are believing some lies of the Enemy about God's character...The wilderness reveals our hearts. We either run to the Lord or away from Him. The decision is our own.

i think this is one of the biggest things i'm taking away from this book. it is my choice. my decision. i can sit back in my pity party for myself and avoid the truth and be lazy. or i can step up and trust God with the things of my heart. i can confront the lies i'm believing. i can admit my sin. it won't be easy or comfortable, but it will be better.

wilderness skill #3: beware of snakes

When Christ was tempted by Satan in the wilderness, each temptation came back to one thing: doubt....Each time Jesus replied to Satan's suggestive questions with three simple words: "It is written." And then, Jesus spoke out loud a truth from Scripture in response to the lies of the Enemy.

Our thoughts must be based upon truth, or we will be in big trouble. The reason? Our thoughts lead to our emotions, and our emotions lead to our actions.

The word truth means "that which has fidelity (conformity) to the original." Meaning ? There is a standard. Given that the word itself implies there is a measurement of what is "true," then it only makes sense that truth is not relative.

okay, that last one i included just because so often on campus today, i meet people who say truth is relative. ugh. i hate that. "what's right for you is fine, but it's not right for me." such a cop-out excuse.

anyways, i enjoyed this chapter. its totally true that temptation comes back to doubt. doubt that God really has the best for me, doubt that he will actually provide, doubt of where is He? why am i still here waiting?

when i'm believing those doubts and lies, then my emotions and actions reflect that. and its not pretty. i can spout the right answers to students and the people around me, but inside i'm a mess. i can push down and ignore my emotions for a while, but when i do that, they begin to take root and i begin to believe things that aren't true about myself, about others and about God. and that's when my actions begin to change.

again, its a choice for me. to believe the truth or to believe the lie. to actively trust God or to make precautions based on my own wants and desires and thoughts. its scary to think about changing that. to really trust him with the things i desire. because it sometimes feels like he's holding back, that its never going to happen for me. but i know in the long run, his way is better. i will be happier. so i need to keep my eye on him. on those promises.

yikes.

wilderness skill #4: don't eat the red berries

Whenever a person lives feeling entitled to her anger and justified in her resentment, she chooses to allow a bitter poison to brew in her heart.

the word entitled jumps out at me in this sentence. i'm always amazed by how often i feel entitled to things. like i've done something good to deserve better. that's when i realize, yet again, that i'm a sinner and i'm entitled to nothing. i deserve death. and yet by GRACE, i'm given so much more. i'm always amazed by that.

I've discovered from examining my own life and from ministering to other women that bitterness occurs in a woman's heart from three primary sources: unhealed wounds, unmet expectations, and unforgiveness.

her advice on dealing with unhealed wounds so that the pain doesn't turn into bitterness is:

1. I WILL NOT STUFF MY EMOTIONS

2. I WILL GET REAL BEFORE GOD

3. I WILL ASK FOR HELP

i'm really good at stuffing my emotions. i tend to pride myself on not being an emotional person. but really, why is that a good thing? okay, i don't want to go overboard and become an emotional girly mess who can't do anything but wallow in self-pity. but expressing how i'm really feeling, crying on occasion...that would probably be healthy.

i need to set aside more time to journal. that is a good outlet for me to get real before God, but most of the time i avoid it because it just takes so long sometimes. but its important. and i need to do it. so that will be a goal for me. to stop being lazy and avoiding my feelings by journaling more often.

asking for help. that's hard. i hate being a burden on people and i would much rather help people with their problems than deal with my own. plus i don't want to share all my crap. but i need to. and while i'm not great at it, i'll keep making baby steps towards it.

in dealing with unmet expectations:

The Lord is teaching me to be extremely careful where I place my hope. Most of us are unaware of how often we place our hope in what we expect to happen or how we expect someone to respond or act. Doing so always leads to disappointment. And disappointment can lead to anger, resentment, and you guessed it, bitterness.

oh man. that is totally me. even recently, i expected someone to act a certain way and when they didn't, i got upset, annoyed and even bitter. and yet they had no idea this was going on because i never communicated my expectations or how i was feeling. that just leads to hurt on my part and could have ruined a relationship without the other person even knowing. i'm so lame and ridiculous sometimes. even as i write this i'm think, wow miranda. i need to continue to set my hope in the Lord alone and to reign in my expectations. that would be much more helpful to my crazy girl thoughts! ;)

in dealing with unforgiveness:

So, what is forgiveness? It is simply releasing a debt that you feel is owed. The word release is huge. For if we do not choose to let go, we are bound to the person that we feel has wronged us. Is there bitterness in your heart today because of unforgiveness? If you answer yes to any of these questions, there may be someone you need to forgive.

- Do you struggle with anger toward the one who hurt you?

- Do you imagine ways of getting even or getting revenge?

- Do you still rehearse "speeches" that you'd like to deliver?

wow. yet again, i'm smacked in the face with the knowledge of the CHOICES i've been making. and that last question totally hits home. when i stuff down my emotions, i hide how much something has affected or hurt me. i don't want to be a burden or to cause someone else pain, so i just pretend everything is fine and then in my head express all that i want to say... how much i'm hurt, annoyed or angry... not the best way to deal with things. i need to release that. i need to be honest with the person and let it go. that would be the right thing to do. i hate confrontation and causing pain, so i'm going to have to work on what it looks like for me to be honest even if it's not the easiest thing for me or the other person.

that is all. that is the end. she had a few more thoughts on the journey & scripture that she shared, but that's the end of the book. wow. that is definitely one of the best books i've read in a while. simply because it was heart-wrenching for me. it wasn't one i could just breeze through because there was so much that applied to how i was feeling. i needed that.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

2009-10-16T22:54:00.000-05:00

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

Last year at this time, my mom was finishing up her radiation treatment for breast cancer. She had already gone through surgery and chemo.

My mom is a rockstar.

that's why my brothers and I got her these flowers this month.

because we love her.

and because she is the strongest person we know.

I love my mom.

and okay, i will admit, i might have badgered my brothers into it. they were easily persuaded though. :)

doesn't she look great?! her hair has grown so much!

a day in door county (picture style)

2009-10-05T13:16:00.000-05:00

the last of the weddings in 2009

2009-10-01T12:42:00.000-05:00

the last 2 weekends in september i had weddings to go to. that finished off my wedding tally of 2009. i believe it was 8 this year. not my highest ever, but a little busier with one of those weddings being my brother's!

anyways, thought i would throw up a couple pics from my cousin adam's wedding. never a dull moment with that side of the family!

here is adam & his bride sarah during the ceremony!

i spent most of the day chasing after these adorable hooligans... :) mackenzie & ela (the 4 year olds) spent the day with me. i did their hair and "make-up" before the wedding and they rode with me to the reception and such. i was in high demand when it came to where i was going to sit at dinner, and all in all, it was a really fun day with all of them!

all day long, my cousins kept switching between apologizing for how much work their kids were and thanking me for being willing to put up with it! honestly, i loved every minute of it. they are so cute and it was fun hanging out & playing with them! they really do say the funniest things! my cousins repeatedly reminded me that anytime i needed help with anything, i was supposed to call them so they could repay the favor. i definitely plan on calling in some favors when i get married so that kayla will make my cake! :) she is pretty good at it as seen by the cake she made for adam and sarah below... (plus it tastes way better than some of the wedding cakes i've had before!)

most of my cousins are older than me and they are all married with kids now too. so there are a lot of little kids at our family gatherings. mason LOVES seeing ela. he chases he around the dance floor, stares at her, and as you can see, gives her big hugs when he can catch her!

here is a pretty good picture of my dad & me.

and here is a pretty good picture of typical father/kid time with us! ;)

it was a good time. :)

especially since towards the end of the evening when my cousins were able to take more care of their kids again, that was when ela decided to throw up all over. i sure was glad that i got the fun time with her and then when she got sick, her mom was able to handle that! poor girl...

waiting for the vision...

2009-09-23T16:10:00.002-05:00

And the Lord answered me:

"Write the vision;

make it plain on tablets,

so he may run who reads it.

For still the vision awaits its appointed time;

it hastens to the end--it will not lie.

If it seems slow, wait for it;

it will surely come; it will not delay."

-Habakkuk 2:2-3

wilderness skills part 3

2009-09-18T22:05:00.003-05:00

i knew from others comments on these chapters that there would be some serious heart check moments for me. so i walked into it knowing that and still felt like i got slapped upside the head, like, duh...why is this so hard for you to get? i needed that.

chapter 5- the wilderness of despair

"Despair," defined simply, is the state of being without hope. And without hope...a woman is then without joy.

i like her definitions. she keeps them short & simple & totally understandable. it really helps me focus in on what exactly we are talking about and heading towards.

as she shared the story of her friend telling of her miscarriage, this stuck out to me:

"The Lord is good and his love endures forever" [Psalm 100:5 NIV]. So that is what I said to myself over and over, probably at least a hundred times before the doctor came. Honestly, at first I didn't feel it. God didn't feel good, and I didn't feel loved. But after clinging to the verse for a while, it began to feel like the only truth--the only thing I could hold onto. the number of times she said the word "feel" in that passage jumped out at me. so often lately i think i've been going off of what i "feel" instead of what i know to be true. so often when i'm doing follow-up with a new believer, i remind them and go over a description of how our relationship with the Lord needs to be based on fact not feeling. literally in the back of the knowing God personally booklet we use to help share the gospel, there is a section entitled "Do Not Depend on Feelings." it says:

The promise of God's Word, the Bible--not our feelings--is our authority. The Christian lives by faith (trust) in the trustworthiness of God Himself and His word. Flying in a jet can illustrate the relationship among fact (God and His Word), faith (our trust in God and His Word), and feeling (the result of our faith and obedience) (John 14:21). To be transported by a jet, we must place our faith in the trustworthiness of the aircraft and the pilot who flies it. Our feelings of confidence or fear do not affect the ability of the jet to transport us, though they do affect how much we enjoy the trip. In the same way, we as Christians do not depend on feelings or emotions, but we place our faith (trust) in the trustworthiness of God and the promises of His Word.

i still believe that God is who he says he is, but i've been doubting his word & promises for me. the verses i've been studying on waiting repeatedly remind me that God is faithful, he has good things for me, he is near to me, he is my salvation, he wants to give me the desires of my heart, and on and on and on. they have been good reminders for me in this waiting period. they have kept my heart from despair. i have desperately needed to cling to them. often, i haven't believed them for myself. but i have to choose to listen to truth and not just feeling.

her statement of God's delays are not God's denials was good for me to hear too. i don't know his whole plan for me. sometimes the answer will be no. sometimes it will be yes. and sometimes it will be wait and find out. and i have to be okay with that.

as she described and reminded us that our God is a relational God who wants to hear from us, she quoted Psalm 73:28, "The nearness of God is my good." that is a good verse for me. i often feel alone in this as i look around and see so many couples and attend wedding after wedding and see friends working on campus and other friends who are buying houses and having kids and finding job & financial success. but sharing this with amy and holly and jennifer and stephanie and others, i am reminded that i am not the only one here. i am not alone. and even when they aren't near, God is. and that is my good. that is what i need. what i can cling to. and it is my ultimate good. nothing else really matters as long as i have Him.

as she began to discuss hope and faith, i underlined a lot. a LOT. there is a lot of blue on these pages. probably because i need to remind myself what a life of faith looks like. marian says: Faith, confident assurance, pleases God. It says to Him, "I believe You are who You say You are, and I believe You can do what You say You can do." Ultimately, faith is rooted in God. So, last question: how is it, then, that faith produces hope? Faith results in hope when a woman walks in confident assurance, her eyes are set and focused upon the unchanging and unwavering Person of God, and she believes that the outcome will ultimately be for her good.

ouch. i don't think my faith has looked like that lately. i need to continue to set and focus my eyes on God (love the reminder of his unchanging and unwavering attributes, makes me feel safe and secure). and something i haven't been doing, i have to BELIEVE that the outcome will be for my good. its easy for me to doubt at times that it won't be, that i should take control and try to make things happen the way i think they should. but i need to keep reminding myself that it would not lead to my ULTIMATE good. maybe what i feel like my immediate good is would be accomplished, but not my ULTIMATE good.

chapter 7-the wilderness of unmet desire

yikes. this is going to be a rough one i think.

To desire is to long for something. To hope, dream, or yearn. A wilderness of unmet desire is waiting for that hope to become a reality. It is the postponement of a longing of your soul. The feeling that your life is standing still while others appear to be moving in high speed. A woman in this wilderness may ask herself, "Did God push 'pause' on my life and forget to inform me?"

has she seen the inside of my heart and i just don't remember meeting her? seriously, i feel like she is expressing the exact sentiments of my heart. that is how i feel. pretty much all the time.

i'm glad she addresses a few of the dangers in this wilderness. envy, manipulation, and worry. i've totally been experiencing that. i have a love/hate relationship with weddings. and mostly it is because of envy. with a wedding tomorrow and another one next weekend i need to remember her advice: Ask Him to protect you from the taunts of the Enemy and to guard your mind from comparing and coveting. even this i need to take to Him. He alone can help me enjoy celebrating my family & friend's joy and protect my heart from believing the lies that always pop in...that it will never happen for me...that something must be wrong with me since i'm the only single one here...that God is holding back on me for some reason. obviously its easy for those to come to mind. i'm going to need some prayer. i definitely need to guard my heart when heading to weddings. i do love seeing my friends & family happy & joyful. i need to focus on that and what the Lord is doing in my life.

then she slams it home as she discusses david's waiting period. Somewhere in the wilderness of unmet desire, as I continue to wait for God to provide marriage, I think I had allowed marriage to become this sort of Holy Grail that I needed to attain in order to be happy. Or worse, I was allowing the institution itself to be the measure of my worth. If I'm not married, does that mean I'm not as good as the other girls who are? Does my singleness reflect a lack in my relationship with God? NO. IT DOES NOT. but that is so often how i'm made to feel. well meaning friends often share how much they want me to find someone. and while i know they mean well and as much as it is a desire of my own too, it still makes me feel that there isn't something good enough about me right now. that to be right or good in their eyes i need to have someone. i'm not enough. but that is not how God sees me. and that is what i'm being reminded of. i'm going to have to read this book over and over again i think.

she continues: God is good, and He can and will meet the desires of my heart in His timing...not mine. My only responsibility is to let God be God. wow. my heart hurts as i read that again. my thoughts have been so consumed with self lately. i've not done a good job of letting God be God. and that sucks. and that needs to change.

one of my life verses is quoted in this chapter. it has been one of my favorite verses since freshman year of college. every time i think i've got it, i realize i'm not even close. its a long process. but a good one.

Delight yourself in the Lord; And He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him, and He will do it. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light And your judgment as the noonday. Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him. Psalm 37:4-7

Somewhere deep within I believed the lie that God didn't really care about my desires. I knew He wanted good for other people, but I didn't quite believe it for myself...The Lord asked me what I desired because for years I'd coped with my unmet desires by simply pretending they didn't exist....The word commit means to hand something over. So instead of hiding my heart's desires away and pretending they didn't exist, God was calling me to bring them out into the open of our relationship and entrust them to Him. she is cracking open my heart and spilling it out on to the pages of her book again. its hard to read about yourself and realize you have been an idiot. ugh. gotta love it though.

i feel a little worn and beaten up after those chapters. but in a good way. i need to hear it. i needed to see it about myself. i need to believe in what God has promised and i need to choose to live that out. remind me of that.

so i jumped out of a plane...

2009-09-16T21:44:00.000-05:00

i have wanted to go skydiving for a while. i don't know why. it just sounded cool. and like something that would be out of my comfort zone.

so since my mom is turning 50 this year and she's done with all her cancer treatment she thought this would be a good thing to do too. i love it. i went skydiving with my mom. :)

holly came too since it was on her 27 list. so she went first. here she is all strapped in and ready to go!

my dad was pleased to see she landed safely and without major injury. because out of the 3 of us, holly is definitely the most likely to get hurt. ;) just being honest.

here's mom and me all ready to go! yay!

my dad was still so nervous. haha. almost wish i could have been on the ground to watch him. he hates heights. he kept trying to say he had a doctor's excuse because of his back as to why he couldn't jump that day. but it's really just because he's too scared. he called my brothers while he waited for the plane to get to altitude and aaron got queasy just thinking about it and daniel was like cool.

here we are doing spins! i'm the one with the yellow parachute, mom has the rainbow one.

here's my awesome mom! isn't she so cool? i love her.

here i am! it was sooooo fun. still can't really believe i willingly flung myself out of a plane, but i would do it again in a heartbeat. if someone else paid of course. skydiving is dang expensive!

coming in for the landing...

we made it! and we loved it! happy early birthday mom!

finally.

2009-09-15T23:33:00.000-05:00

it finally happened. i finally got to see shawn mcdonald. i've been waiting to see him in concert for a LONG time. but i finally made it.

i also got to see joy williams. who is adorable and cute and has a great voice.

wish i could sing like her.

and then there was shawn.

and my evening was made complete.

he was a little awkward and had trouble speaking between songs sometimes.

but, boy, can he sing.

so i met an american gladiator...

2009-09-15T22:50:00.000-05:00

so since it had been an entire week since holly and i hadn't seen each other in a week, she of course came up to visit. okay, so it wasn't just to see me, but mostly. ;)

on saturday i got up ridiculously early (yet again! what is with this getting up super early on saturday thing lately? ugh) and drove holly up to white lake, wi so she could run in the muck run. holly heard about this from her boss and she decided it sounded like something she would enjoy. the run ends with diving into a mud pit. of course she would like it.

so off to silver birch camp we went. here is the before picture. notice the clean white shirt.

this was not just a regular ol' 5k. not only was there mud, but there were obstacles. many, many, many obstacles. like a bog. and a gigantic sand dune. and crazy tree roots. and more sand. and running through the lake. and running up stupid stairs. and the tire obstacles. twice.

and the log pile. twice.

just to give you an idea of the difficulty of this race, the last 5k holly ran in may, she ran in about 26 minutes. this race she ran in about 50 minutes. supposedly the same distance.

and of course there was the mud.

here is the after picture. notice the not-so-clean white t-shirt. but, she was the top female finisher, yay!

so by this point you are probably curious as to why i titled this post "so i met an american gladiator." well, that would be because i met an actual american gladiator from the tv show! nbc remade the show recently and the first season's winner was evan dollard. for the next season, he then became a real gladiator! cool, huh? anyways, he was there to run the race. he used to attend this camp and he was kind of like the featured athlete or something. he got up after the race to share a little about his walk with the Lord, which was really cool to hear. he is now my facebook friend. be jealous. ;) actually, i just wanted his contact info so in case we ever wanted to do a gladiator outreach of some kind, i had a contact of someone cool who loved the Lord. it was a pretty fun morning and holly really enjoyed calling her siblings to tell them she got her picture with an american gladiator. ;)

wilderness skills part 2

2009-09-09T14:14:00.002-05:00

a few more thoughts on what i've read in

chapters 3 & 4

the wilderness of temptation:

i love that she starts out sharing her story of how she came to know the Lord. i love hearing those stories and seeing how God can change lives. that is why i love ministry. being able to see changed lives in women who God wants to use in amazing ways that i can't even imagine.

i love that she quotes the verse from ezekiel 36:26-27. "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; i will remove from you your heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws" one of the first times i studied this verse was when my staff team was doing a bible study on covenant. it was AMAZING. i love it. i learned so much and gained such a new appreciation for the old testament and whole picture of the scripture. it was great. there is so much i could tell you about it, but that would make this even more ridiculously long than it already is going to be. so some other time i will have to tell you more about it. but anyways, this is a covenant promise. and God is a perfect covenant partner. He not only fulfills his part of the covenant but provides his spirit in us so that we can fulfill our part too!! so great. i love it.

it also makes me think of how some people think that when you are a Christian, you suddenly are this crazy person who follows all these ridiculous rules and don't act according to yourself anymore. well, according to that verse, his spirit does move us to follow his decrees. but as we see both in the scripture and in this book, it is pretty easy for us to ignore that and go our own way too. which is why i loved her earlier quote that:

obedience [is] motivated 100 percent by love. i'm not blindly following some crazy ordinances. i'm in a real relationship with the creator of the universe who loved me first and i want to return that love in some way. and so i try to obey him because by doing that, i'm able to experience a better and more fulfilling life than if i did it on my own. i wish my brothers could understand that.

Transformation wasn't and still isn't easy. I had to make a choice to pursue wholeness.

i think i'm starting to understand part of my problem. i need to make some better choices. it won't be easy. but it will be better. my heart will be better because of it. and i want my heart to feel better.

choices in my life lead to what i worship. i loved her section on worship. it was some good, deep stuff. stuff i needed to hear and consider. she quotes Louie Giglio saying "And right now, wherever you are, there is a war going on over your worship." i've felt it. so many days it seems like the easier choice would be to just give up. to do things my own way. to not open my bible. to not go to Him with my questions. to just take control.

but then she explains what worship is. (partially quoting Louie again) "Worship is our response to what we value most." I like that definition. For in it we find two important words. The first is response. Worship is a response to God for who he is and what he has done. The other word is value. Value is simply ascribing worth to something. That is what worship is--we are saying to God, "You are worthy of my life, my praise, my all."

i'm struck by the fact that He is worth it. no matter what may be going on in my life, that doesn't take away from his worthiness. His attributes are not dependent on what is happening to me. instead it is despite whatever i'm dealing with He is still worthy, because he loves me in the midst of it, he is with me in the midst of it, he is using it for good in my life. i just have to keep trusting him. which is my choice.

i also liked her definition of temptation. as she was describing the story of Job, she said:

The word temptation can be interpreted two ways in the Bible. One means incitement to sin, and the other means to test or to prove. Both definitions of temptation apply in Job's situation. Satan is tempting him to sin, while God is allowing him to be proven faithful. that helped me to understand the wilderness of temptation. to test or prove that what i have been saying is actually true of my life. even when things don't go my way. yikes. i'm not always very good about that.

when it got to the part where she starts talking about the song "Blessed be Your Name," i had one of those, oh crap, she's talking to me moments. that song holds some significant memories for me. i first heard it on summer project. that was a huge summer for me spiritually. i learned a lot. got challenged a lot. grew a lot. experienced the Lord a lot. and then had to come home and see if that was all still true in my real life. whenever i heard that song i was reminded of what the Lord had done. in moments when my grandpa died, or my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, i've had to remind myself that He is still worth that praise. so as she describes her sacrifice of praise, i've totally been right there.

I learned quickly that singing "Blessed be the Name of the Lord" is a choice of the will. To sing HIs praise and to give Him glory in the midst of heartache is a sacrifice of praise....I lifted my hands and sang the words until the storm raging in my soul was quieted by the conviction of my will. To believe. To simply believe--despite how I felt in the moment or what I could see with my eyes--that my God is good and, yes, He is worthy of my worship.

good stuff. more to come.

Warning: too much cuteness ahead

2009-09-09T13:56:00.004-05:00

so my brother aaron has wanted his own dog for a long time. he's always been a dog person, our family dogs have generally liked him the best. not that they didn't like me, but they get REALLY excited when they see him. so now that he is married and he & my sister-in-law were able to rent a house with a yard instead of a small apartment, they decided a dog would be a good wedding present to themselves.

enter Proxy.

she is an alaskan klee kai. kind of like a miniature husky. she is 8 weeks old and will melt your heart. seriously.

i had a hard time picking out pictures to put on here. i took a lot. and she is adorable in every single one.

aaron doesn't look excited at all, does he? ;)

also, now you get an idea of how little she is. she will grow to be about 15 lbs total.

haha. a brewers fan already. i snapped this one fast. it didn't last much longer. ;)

she is so soft too. and cuddly. and playful. when she runs, she kind of leaps. and then proceeds to trip over herself. so funny.

like i didn't already have enough reasons to go back and visit madison all the time...

ugh. she is so adorable, i can hardly stand it. can't wait to go back and play with her some more! good luck getting your homework done aaron & andrea! ;)

summer is ending...

2009-09-09T13:35:00.004-05:00

dad's birthday was on september 2nd and so we wanted to get to a brewer's game as a family to celebrate. after i hung out with sam a little while longer and of course after jess and i got our starbucks :), i headed to meet my family for a little tailgating and the brewers game.

happy birthday dad. your son really loves you. ;) hehe.

holly's parents were visiting that weekend, so they headed over from madison for a good ol' wisconsin experience. seriously, none of these willmans had tailgated before. strange. oh well, we gave them a pretty good tailgate experience (seriously good food mom) and dad enjoyed his new birthday grill. oh, and did i mention this was the first time the gehrkes & willmans had met? 5 years and this was the first time! everyone got along, no blood was shed, everyone laughed at holly, i would call it a success. :)

i'd been wanting to get some of these pictures for a while at miller park, but never made it over to this area of the stadium. this time, since we had great seats, we happened to be right near them! so i made holly suffer through them with me. ;)

here i am with polish. holly took hot dog, so i went with polish. he has some cute blue stripes on!

quote from our dads: "we think you are a great catch!" haha. oh dad. the sense of humor in the accountant and the actuary were scarily similar! ;)

holly graciously let me have ryan and she took beefcake. classic. ryan is not as cute here in statue form. oh well. we can still pretend.

okay, this seems a little silly. but now i have been to 4 brewer games this summer. and i have also seen the giants play 3 times. really?! crazy. brewers vs giants twice. rockies vs giants once. wow. this is our new favorite giant player. he was right in front of us. and pretty cute.

here is proof that the brewers can actually score runs. i don't know where the problem lies in winning games. ugh. maybe next season.

holly about had a heart attack when she realized mike cameron was not playing. luckily he came out towards the end of the game. and we had a good view of him. which made her feel a little better. of course, my dad enjoyed making comments to annoy her about the guy who had replaced mike cameron. he came dangerously close to getting hit. seriously.

after the game, my parents, me, holly & her parents headed to cheesecake factory for a little dinner. YUM. deliciousness in every bite. of course there was like an entire page of the menu that holly was allergic too. they serve a lot of chicken there. whoops! as we were getting ready to leave, a waitress came over to ask us if we had been at the brewer game. i guess the t-shirts gave us away. she asked the score and we sadly had to inform her they had lost. she then told us that jeff suppan (one of the brewer pitchers) was sitting in the other section! haha. awesome. anyways, it was a great day. although the brewers winning would have made it a little better.

what to do when you don't have friends in your current town

2009-09-09T13:26:00.002-05:00

well, since i don't know anyone in appleton yet, other than my parents, i decided to head to milwaukee friday night to see marisa & jess!

marisa was back home for a visit and brought her new boyfriend with so we could meet him! will was very nice (bonus points for the southern gentleman move of sending her mom & grandma flowers before he arrived!) and it was fun getting to know him a little. it was of course wonderful to spend some time with jess & risa. we laughed a lot at sam (jess & dan's almost 2-year old son), ate some glorious chinese food, and i entertained everyone with the long version of my summer drama. the boys came away with a new understanding of the way girls' minds work i guess.

it was a fun night and i can never get enough of sam calling me randa in his cute little voice!

p.s. aren't we looking good in this pic? can't wait to meet collier baby boy #2 in a couple of months!

i'm home....wilderness part 1

2009-09-02T14:08:00.005-05:00

sorry. haven't posted lately (been busy packing, moving & unpacking) and haven't processed how i feel about all that.

so instead i thought i would share something else i've been processing with the Lord and reading.

at our staff conference in colorado, we got a bunch of free books. this was one of them. actually we had the choice between this one and another one by the same author (sex and the city uncovered). i had never heard of either one, or the author (marian jordan), so i wasn't sure which one to pick. then i read the subtitle on this one: "how to survive heartbreak and other full-blown meltdowns"

i immediately chose this one.

it's been an "interesting" summer and as i've just barely gotten into this book, so much of it has felt like she knows me and is speaking directly to me. so i thought i would share some of my processing as i've read it. i've been sharing this with a friend, so i thought, well as long as i'm doing that, i may as well put it out there for everyone to see.

yikes.

i'm not far into it, not because it isn't an easy read, but because it is a lot for me to take in. i feel like so much of what she is saying relates directly to the state of my heart. i was trying to explain to jennifer the other day how it is an easy & fast read because the way she writes is so engaging, so i find myself laughing, but then i get to a point where i just stop laughing and go "oh, crap, she's talking about me" and i have to sit and process what that means for my specific circumstances. and thats when it becomes hard. hard to realize truth, to apply it to my life, to really glean what the Lord is trying to teach me here.

right from the start she had my attention. her description of how she doesn't cry often, and when she does, it isn't pretty, grabbed me because that pretty much sounds like me. i don't cry often (although i have a couple times recently. maybe the dam is breaking. ugh.) and when i do, it definitely isn't the single tear rolling down the cheek. crying always gives me a headache too. so add that in to her description and you've pretty much got a good idea of what it generally looks like. which is why it doesn't happen often.

when she first started talking about a wilderness, i was kind of like, i don't know that i feel like i'm in a wilderness. i don't feel like i've been disconnected from the Lord or really questioning his existence or nearness, which is something i guess i associate with the thought of a spiritual wilderness. i actually feel like i've had some really sweet time with the Lord recently. but when she described what she thinks a wilderness is, i was like "oh, yeah, that's probably me."

Throughout the Bible, a wilderness season is a time of testing, trying, and training an individual. It is often marked by a period of isolation, loneliness, temptation, sorrow, and waiting.

the waiting part especially. that seems to be the story of my life. in my head i know it is for my good. but i'm awfully tired of it.

so while i've had some good time with the Lord & have been fairly reasonably calm and normal, there have been the doubts. and fears. and questions. always the questions. so then she said: You see, walking by faith is a choice. I had to choose to believe who my God is, to believe what my God has said, and to believe what my God is able to do.

i needed to hear that. to be reminded of that. i have to do that. i have to believe that. if i don't, life will get ugly real fast. so i have to continue working on ignoring what everyone is saying around me and focus on believing God for who He is and what He has promised me. i have to believe that. i have to.

and those are my thoughts on just the introduction. ;)

yet again, i feel like she knows me. One date. Just one itsy-bitsy date (and I'm not referring to the fruit). You know that thing when the guy picks up the girl and takes her out to dinner; that's the kind of date I'm talking about. That's all I wanted-- or, rather, thought I needed. as she opens the chapter like that, all i can think is, "wow, she can read my mind." and then she goes on to ask the question, So, why did I need a date, you ask?, and she answers with: Pride. ouch. that hit awfully close to home.

i want to feel worth it. i want to show others that someone finds me worth it. that i don't need their pity. that someone finds me beautiful (who is not a girl). i want to feel like i fit. i'm normal. not weird or dysfunctional. that someone believes in me. finds me interesting. thinks i'm worth the effort.

pride.

But I didn't get to escape the pain so easily. I was alone and facing yet another wedding season, class reunion, baby showers, and summer of family picnics-- solo. Like I said, it didn't seem fair; I wanted to have someone as my "plus one" for these can't-go-alone events. But I didn't."

i don't know why it's sometimes so hard for me to show my emotions. i obviously don't cry very often and my usual thought is to hide whatever i'm feeling to make others feel more comfortable. but when it comes to feeling hurt and broken-hearted, perhaps i should allow myself to show it. i do feel it. but i tend to just shove it down and move on. but she states here: Hardness of heart and ease of separation are the by-products of a broken world where love doesn't last. Love was meant to last. We are supposed to hurt and crumble when our hearts are broken. It seems to me, if we get jaded and stop hurting, we are somehow less human. If my heart didn't break, it means I didn't love. And I did love. i think i feel a little freedom in her statement that we are supposed to hurt and crumble. i think so often i feel like i am just supposed to keep on going, put on a happy face and act as if everything is fine. but its not fine. and i'm allowed to feel that. and show those feelings. watch out world, you might have an emotional mess on your hands now if i let it all show. ;)

one of my favorite parts of the chapter is when she lists the cliches & doubts she was facing. i could relate to so many of them. the cliche i hear the most is "God has someone better for you." i am sooooooooo tired of hearing that. that doesn't help at all in the moment and how in the world do you know that? there is no promise that i will be married listed in the scriptures. i know they mean well, but when they all have someone, it feels a little like salt in the wound.

when she began to list some of the questions that were running through her head at night, i could totally relate to that. i'm normally a person who falls asleep almost immediately at night. i generally have no trouble sleeping at night and yet, recently, the questions have plagued me. i don't know how to shut my brain off so that i can just sleep and not think about the questions that are running through my head & heart. the question that i related to the most was: It seems your God has blessings for everyone but you. You are such a fool. That trust of yours is pathetic. You would be happier if you would just bail on following that Jesus. okay, so its not really in question form, but you get the idea.

okay. chapter 2.

i love how she talks about the bachelor (tv show). i totally relate. i'm not a faithful every season watcher, but i have watched some of it, yes, i did watch the entire last season of the bachelor and bachelorette, and i have no idea why i watch it, but for some reason i keep watching. its totally a guilty pleasure. i have no good justification for watching it, but yet i keep on with it. i love how she uses it to show a picture of the wilderness of rejection.

as she begins to talk about the wilderness of rejection & the story of joseph. i'm totally sucked in. i've felt it. it sucks. it's hard to see the good in it. so i'm ready to hear what she has to say about it. as she begins talking about joseph, she talks about how being seventeen is such a great year. while my life may not have been as rough as joseph's, no one tried to kill me or sell me off, it definitely was not my favorite year. that's the year we moved and i started my senior year with no friends. seems a little reminiscent of where i'm at now. when i was driving home on saturday, moving yet again, i was hit by some of the same aching sadness. leaving my friends, my life that i knew, moving to a place where i don't have a church, a community, friends, etc. i feel comfortable at home, but once i'm outside of that building, its an uncomfortable place for me. and while i have a great time with my mom, i'm not sure where to start or turn to begin an actual life here instead of just a brief visit home.

when the author began talking about the "danger zone" in this wilderness, that was one of those moments where i stopped laughing at the way she writes, and went "oh, crap. she's talking about me." There are untold dangers for a woman lost in the wilderness, but for the one who finds herself in the wilderness of rejection, a specific danger lurks-- allowing the person, the parent, or the party who has rejected her to define her value and worth.....Rejection has a powerful way of fogging up our mirror of self-perception. A deep wound of rejection often leaves an insecurity that can result in devastating choices....There is only One who is able and who has the right to define your worth, and that is God Himself. oh, boy. did i need to hear that. time to whip out the truth chapstick. did i tell you about that? i can't remember. my friend sarah told me to apply truth like its chapstick. slather it on, let it sink in and heal, and when you start to get a little chapped & dry, just whip out that truth again and keep reapplying. i especially need that when i'm doubting my worth. i know what God has said about me, but its so easy to listen to the voices around me in our culture. that's when i'm in definite need of my truth chapstick.

i loved her constant reminders of how Jesus is in this with us. that He has done this before and He walks with us through our pain. i can never get enough reminders of that.

her statement of what seems like rejection is God's protection, okay, i understand this in my head. but it doesn't make it much easier for my heart. in the midst of it, i still can't see how it will turn out to good and even if i tell myself repeatedly that it is, it still sucks. and i wish it wasn't happening.

Perspective is extremely important in wilderness survival....To say that God is sovereign means He rules and reigns over His creation-- to know He is actively working and involved in your life and causing the circumstances of your life to work for a purpose....Granted, we may never know why some things happen. Knowing why is a rare gift that God sometimes gives to us-- it is not something we are entitled to. Faith trusts Him when we don't get our reason.

okay, okay. i'll keep working on it. i know it in my head. now, if my heart could just get the picture. i think that's why in the midst of craziness lately i've been able to still have some sweet time with the Lord. because i've been taking my fears and doubts and questions to Him. i haven't been afraid to journal out how i'm really feeling. to express to at least Him how i'm really doing, even if i don't show it to others. in my head i know the answers, and i'm working on getting them to my heart. its a slow and painful process, but at least i still get to see & experience the Lord through it.

there is more to come, i'm sure. but these are my thoughts thus far. its a good read. i would highly recommend it. obviously my wilderness & struggles may not look the same as yours, but she really does try to help you realize that even if it doesn't look the same, the issues are similar and the skills to survive it do apply to you, well the girls anyways. maybe the guys. but its written to women. just in case you didn't get that from the title. ;)

leaving madison...

2009-08-25T13:15:00.001-05:00

i'm moving. soon. far too soon.

lots of people have been asking me how i'm feeling about it. i never know how to answer them. i have a lot of emotions running through me. sad, excited, nervous, peaceful, confused, annoyed, joy, disappointment, fear, anticipation, it goes on and on. and it changes by the day. okay, maybe the hour.

so to recap some of the pictures from recently, i thought i would just list some of the things i'm going to miss about living in madison. this is NOT a complete list. and they are in no particular order. this is just how the pictures came up.

1. being goofy & playing with the kids.

i've been baby-sitting for a family part-time for a little less than a year now and it has been the highlight of my week. from grace's silly hugs, to ben's squeal of excitement when i'm there, to snuggles with isaac, it has been so fun to be a part of this family.

i mean, who wouldn't love wearing a pirate mask & making silly faces as part of their job?

or seeing siblings who really like each other? (and boys that wear plaid shorts!)

and baby smiles...

i love this picture.

2. my roommate & settlers

okay, so this picture is adorable, right? mr. darcy will miss his favorite holly. he's been giving her a few extra snuggles. its like he knows something is coming up. he is both amused and frightened by the boxes in the apartment. there aren't words to describe my froommate (friend + roommate), so i'll just leave it at i'll miss living with her. and having a constant settlers opponent. maybe i'll have more of a chance at winning by playing against my parents.

3. the farmer's market.

one of my all-time favorite madison activities. fresh food. fresh flowers. beautiful.

who wouldn't love the bee guy?

the colors...so many photographic oppotunities. if you can fight your way through the crowd, that is.

the flowers. i have many, many flower pictures. must be hereditary.

okay, so i'm an introvert, but i still don't mind the crowd. makes me feel like i'm putting myself out there even if i'm just walking through, not talking to anyone. also, the men carrying flowers. gotta love it. someday, maybe that will happen for me.

the peppers. not my favorite food, but they sure are fun to look at.

our bounty. this was the most we've ever bought at the farmer's market. it made for a ridiculously amazing dinner.

4. the terrace.

summer nights with music, conversation & friends.

afternoons of sunshine and jesus time.

fun chairs. beautiful sights.

spectacular.

oh, and don't forget the ice cream.

have yet to get back on a sailboat after the last incident in high school with cathy's dad. the mast broke in the middle of the lake. awesome. oh well, they still look cool on the lake.

sunset. lake mendota. not to be confused with monona. gotta love the isthmus.

5. my lifegroup.

i've attended blackhawk church the past few years while living here. it has been a great church. i've had some great teaching there and met some great friends. i joined a lifegroup there and had the opportunity to help lead it this past semester. it's been fun (and awkward at times!) and has provided me with some great friends. good thing they like me enough to come help me load up the moving truck even if i am leaving them....

like i said, not a complete list, but at least a little glimpse into the past few weeks & my life in madison...

things i love about wisconsin...

2009-08-09T20:50:00.000-05:00

i love living in wisconsin. it may seem strange to some to say that (like most of my colorado friends) but i do. there are so many things i love about it and miss when i'm not here. the state fair of course wraps most of those things all into one event!

1. what would a trip to the state fair be without a cream puff?! mmmmmmm...deliciousness all in one gigantic puff.

2. lots of friends. we had quite the group head to the fair together, with a lot of first-timers! it was so fun to show them the wonders of wisconsin... :)

3. the house of moo. of course we had to go through the barns and drink some milk. there was even a real cow's stomach for you to look at! how great is that? hehe. i do miss the days of hanging out at the county fair barns with my cousins...playing around, dropping fake spiders on people, watching them show the cows. gotta love a grand champion cow!

4. this isn't something i particularly love about about wisconsin or the state fair, but it was such a great picture i had to include it. nate willingly held my purse while i rode the tilt-a-whirl. lol. doesn't he look like he's loving it too? it is a special amy bayer design, so he is modeling it well. :)

5. the tilt-a-whirl. this is one of my favorite parts of the fair. even if it seems silly and ridiculous, i will always go on the tilt-a-whirl. it is one of my favorite memories growing up. grandpa always took each one of us grandkids on it with him and he would just laugh and laugh and laugh. he always got the best spins and we were always afraid his false teeth would fall out. :) i love the tilt-a-whirl. and i miss my grandpa.

this little girl rode with holly & i because the kids she was supposed to ride with weren't big enough for them to have her with them. so she rode with us. she was pretty nervous and shy, but she warmed up to us once we got the little car spinning! it was pretty cute to watch her smile come out.

all in all it was a fun trip to the fair. oh, i didn't have a picture of this, but i did get a delicious brat in a pretzel bun! mmmm....it was really good. fun with the different type of bun. anyways, we had a great day at the fair!

Our State Fair is a great state fair
Don't Miss it don't even be late
(our state fair is great)
It's dollars to doughnuts at our state fair
It's the best state fair in the state!!!

name those lyrics... ;)

swf seeks a prince

2009-08-09T20:27:00.001-05:00

one of the classic madison spots would have to be picnic point. it is a peninsula that sticks out into lake mendota and has a number of great paths and picnic areas along it. also, some gorgeous views of the lake, downtown, and campus. it is a really fun spot. despite the mosquitos. so we decided to head out there one night since amy had never been and it was on her list to accomplish this summer.

along the way, holly discovered many little toads. she decided to catch many of them and we jokingly told her maybe one would turn out to be her prince. she also proceeded to name every toad she caught. here she is with jerry.

holly didn't want a butt picture here, so everyone turned around for this picture. kind of defeats the purpose of taking a picture of everyone walking, but still turned out pretty fun. :)

we made it to the end of picnic point! a little sweatier and slightly covered in a few spiderwebs, but we made it!

holly is very excited to be holding both frank K and lauryn hill!

here's hoping this last toad turns out to be her prince!

he didn't but that's okay. we will remain on the lookout. someday he will come...

okay now that song is stuck in my head. awesome.

anyways, it was a fun summer night!

one of my favorite places...

2009-08-05T13:16:00.000-05:00

a couple weeks ago in the midst of my soap opera, i was able to go to the farm. my grandma lives on a farm in southwest wisconsin and it is one of my favorite places to go. it is in the middle of nowhere, it is beautiful, it is a place full of memories, it is somewhere that i really connect with the Lord, and it is a place where i feel safe. it was something i needed just then. my cousin is getting married and so we were having a bridal shower for his fiancee, so my parents picked me up on their way down and we headed to the farm.

the shower was really fun, but beyond that, i got everything i wanted out of my time there.

saturday morning i woke up and got a cup of coffee, a cinnamon roll, my journal, my bible, my ipod and sat out on the front porch in the sunshine overlooking the valley and spent some time processing with the Lord. i read scripture, i journaled out how i was feeling about everything, the dogs came and cuddled with me, the temperature was perfect, and i even got to finally talk to cathy for a while. it was just what i needed.

at the shower we ate a ridiculous amount of amazing food, watched sarah get totally embarrassed by my cousins (not sure i want them helping with any showers for me), and played with my cousin's kids. it was a fun time.

after the shower, my dad and i headed down to my aunt's bar to grab a pizza for dinner and just chilled for a little while. i love my dad. he doesn't always know what to say, but he still lets me know that he is there for me. he is pretty great.

after our dinner of pizza, dad, mom, grandma & i headed out for a walk through the back fields at sunset with the dogs. one of my favorite things to do on the farm. it was gorgeous of course. and that is where all these pictures are from. it is so peaceful and hard not to see God in all of it. it wasn't a long walk, but it was good for my heart.

that night, i sat out on the upstairs porch and gazed at the stars for a while. there are an awful lot of them there when you are in the middle of nowhere with hardly any lights around. add in some worship music and being wrapped up in a quilt and you have a pretty great night.

the next day was topped off by a visit to church and a lunch of steak and fresh corn on the cob and fresh tomatoes and cucumbers. mmmm...grandma knows what i like!

its a good feeling to know that even when almost everything in your life seems to be going crazy, there is still a place where you can go to escape and feel loved on by your family and by the Lord. it was a great weekend.

"the Lord upholds all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down. the eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food in due season. you open your hand; you satisfy the desire of every living thing. the Lord is righteous in all his ways and kind in all his works. the Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desire of those who fear him; he also hears their cry and saves them."

-psalm 145:14-19

Finally home...

2009-08-03T15:19:00.000-05:00

well we made it. finally back in wisconsin.

our last day in kansas city involved church, lunch, an ahem jr photo shoot, the vocal & guitar stylings of miss holly willman, packing the prius like its never been packed before, and a long drive through iowa. even though our time in kc was short, it was great to spend some time with ahem.

in case i haven't mentioned this before, ahem is a book club i am a part of. it stands for Ashley, Holly, Erin & Miranda. original, i know. we each start with a book, read through it, write comments, underline & highlight favorite quotes or sections, and leave post-it notes with things we are processing about from the book. we each have our own specific color (mine is blue of course!) and so by the end, the 4 books look pretty cool with 4 different colors written all through them. we all met on summer project 5 years ago and this is a fun way to keep in contact and grow in our walks with the Lord together. its been so great. now if i would just be better about finishing my books on time! ;)

here is ashley, holly, erin, me & baby josiah (the beginnings of ahem jr!) on the felder couch before we left.

holly was the pour soul who got stuck in the backseat of the prius. she had to wedge herself in amongst the guitar, luggage, books & wedding dress (yes, wedding dress, i was bringing it home for a friend who was flying home from the conference and couldn't take it with her. no, i am not even close to needing a wedding dress of my own.)

we finally made it back to wisconsin about 11:30pm. just in time to grab some sleep and begin a crazy week! my cat was sure glad to see me! ;)

Days 14-15 of the H&M adventures

2009-08-01T20:04:00.000-05:00

The adventures are almost over, but our daring heroines have just a few tales left to tell...

Friday morning started out with some chill time with Cathy and Sadie then packing up the Prius and wondering (yet again) where Mrs. Barricklow was going to fit on the way home. Oh, well. When they finally got everything shoved in, they headed to Boulder, where they met Ayo (one of Holly's disciples and friends from college) and her boyfriend, Kyle, for lunch.

It was pretty excellent to see the awesome Ms. Awosika on her 25th birthday. They also got some delicious Creole food! And after that.........................the drive to Kansas City. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, boy.

How to describe this drive? Well, long would be a good start. Holly wrote a list of 75 random little things she loves about Miranda. They tried calling people on speakerphone...including Nate, asking for Trivial Pursuit questions to entertain them. They watched episodes of Friends, How I Met Your Mother, and The Office. They tried asking each other trivia questions about themselves, though that was short-lived. They complained about Kansas a lot. They looked at the clouds, comparing them to Snoopy, the alien ships from Independence Day, popcorn, and cauliflower. They watched cool lightning streak through the sky all around them. Holly drove a lot...

When they finally got to Overland Park, KS, they were so excited to be there...but couldn't find Ashley and Michael's apartment to save their lives. Turns out that there are multiple Ebys, and 102nd Ter and 102nd Pl are not the same at all. Thankfully, they finally made it. Preggers Erin was already in bed, as was baby J, but Ashley and Michael held out for them. They hung out with AshDash for a while and finally went to sleep. Holly had a nice little chat with Erin at 2:30 am when E came upstairs to go to the bathroom.

Ashley followed through on her promise to wake Holly up at 7 am with Josiah's sweet face. They cuddled on the couch for a long time while Holly followed through on a promise of her own--to kiss Josiah's face off. Miranda has had to literally fight for time with the baby because Holly is being so possessive. He is pretty much the cutest boy on the planet...it's hard to compete with curly hair, big eyes, and gumdrop toes. Plus, he is a total sweetheart.

All the girls sat around and talked while Ashley made blueberry muffins from scratch for breakfast. They took their sweet time getting ready for the day, then finally headed out for lunch. At Panera, Holly tried to take credit for Josiah when a stranger complimented her on her cute child.

They headed to Old Navy, where Holly, Miranda, and Erin all bought more things to try and fit into the car. Good news...Holly bought clothes for work, and Miranda and Ashley made her choose colors that were not black, white, gray, or brown.

Upon arriving back at the apartment, Holly nearly fell asleep on the couch, but Ashley made her cut letters out of foam paper for Josiah's bedroom. Cutting skills put to work once again. Woo. Then the 4 girls took their AHEM books and went to Starbucks. Holly and Miranda did the walk of shame for not finishing theirs in time, but they still looked through all the books and read the fun comments and questions. They discussed what they were going to look for in round 4 of the book club and ways to actually apply and hold one another accountable to what they were reading.

They trucked on over to Half Price Bookstore to grab a couple books for round 4, and Holly ended up buying a whole heap of books (a bunch about writing!). Seriously, where is Erin going to fit in the car? Not happening.

The lovely ladies are now sitting around bloated (some from pregnancy, some from spaghetti...) and enjoying each other's company. There may be some pina coladas, guitar playing, and laughing till they explode to follow.

the last and final update will be coming soon.

love from kansas,

H & M

Days 11-13 of the H & M adventures

2009-07-30T23:07:00.004-05:00

When last seen, our brave heroines were busy hanging out and being awesome. No worries...that fun continues. In fact, it just goes with them.

Monday finished up with some fun Aaron Ruder and Danielle Barragree time (including a very brief appearance by Liz Henderson). There were nachos and a giant cookie involved.

Can't go wrong there.

On Tuesday, Holly was with children alllllllllllllllllll day. Pretty much all you need to know about her day until the very end...when Heather Dawn kicked her out of the apartment and told her to go have adult time. Haha. That's actually not a joke. Miranda had a sweet morning session with Larry Crabb, Tim Muehlhoff, and Doug Pollock about connecting with the lost. Then she had a rockstar lunch with Sarah, who (in an awesome Fargo accent) reminded her that she needed to be constantly reapplying her truth chapstick. Then there was a Larry Crabb seminar (love him!),

some quiet time, dinner, and then a session that was full of ministry stories. There was a LaCrae (Christian rap) concert where it was very amusing to watch a bunch of white people act like they were...not so white.

Miranda, Ross, Jena, and Sarah all went to CB & Potts to chill out later, and Holly tagged along for a bit until she had to go pick Kiana up from the Student Venture coffee house (speaking of which, Rich offered $1000 for doing that instead of him...still waiting on that payout). She dropped Kiana off at the apartment and headed back to CB & Potts...nothing cooler than showing up places in a minivan. They all hung out for a while and made fun of Ross' Pokemon game on his iPhone.

On Wednesday, Miranda had campus ministry time with the mini version of the Oshkosh team, then headed to Starbucks with Jena, Steph, and Katie.

Holly could have actually used some Starbucks, as she got less than four hours of sleep. Instead, she got up and ran (sticking to the plan...still not loving it at all), but cut it short due to the lack of sleep and a lot of pain in one of her knees. She spent the whole day with the kids,

including the bonus appearances of Maggie and Dillon Zaugg. There was a lot of rain the past few days, so they were stuck inside...without the TV or Wii, since Rich had packed them up for heading out. It could have been worse, and it was kind of funny watching Kiana give Noah a makeover. After the evening session, Miranda headed out to the big blowout party and ate all the Oreos she could get her hands on.......ok, she didn't eat all of them, but there were millions just lying around. And she got a glow in the dark bracelet, pretty sure the last time that happened was in like 7th grade. Nice. Holly dealt with little Chinese monsters. Practically the same night. Let's just say that Annie is glad that mommy and daddy are in charge now, and she doesn't miss Holly at all.

This morning started at a horribly early time as the girls packed up the Prius and headed out of Dodge...er...Fort Collins. They met Becca for breakfast which was both fun and delicious (crab & avocado omlette, crepes w/ scrambled eggs, brie, broccoli & hollandaise, mmmmm). They stopped to pick up a wedding dress. (Do you need an explanation?) They drove to Cathy and Michael's house, but only Sadie was home, and she can't unlock doors. So they sat on the new porch swing and called to see where the lady of the house actually was...and then headed to meet her at the laundromat. After unloading the car, they all headed to lunch. It was delicious. After lunch they had an...interesting...conversation with Stephanie. Yay for speakerphone. Boo to so many things about the conversation itself. But yay to Stephanie. And Jennifer, since she was commenting in the background. Also, shout out to punching in the face. Enough said. They trucked on over to Whole Foods to pick up the magical miracle cream that Heather Dawn swears by to fix Holly's knee. We'll see. Then there was a run to Barnes and Noble, where they enjoyed some Starbucks beverages while NOT buying any books. It might be a first. Miranda would like to point out that she got enough free ones to last a while. So many, in fact, that there may not be room in the car for Erin. Oops. Then they went to pick up some locally grown produce for Cathy and Michael. Yay for supporting local farmers. And all the other good stuff about it. Then they went to The Loop in Manitou Springs (an excellent Mexican restaurant, known for its margaritas and queso and sweet mariachi band that played for Cathy and Michael's 4th anniversary!!).

Lindsay and Matty Mitchell met them there to enjoy some more stellar project lovin. Plus Michael. After, Miranda went with Cathy and Michael to a going away party for one of their friends, while Holly headed to the Mitchell's place. Miranda met lots of people who knew lots of things about her (not awkward at all), while Holly played guitar and cuddled with her cuddlebear and got in the hot tub and ate watermelon. Miranda came back and played Ticket to Ride (Michael won...again), and when Holly wandered back through the door, she destroyed Cathy and Miranda in a game of Settlers.

Our two fine ladies are having fun, are extremely tired, and are excited for the last leg of their journey...it involves Ayo, Ashley, Erin, Michael Felder, baby J, and lots of time in the car. Oh, boy! Tune in again soon to hear how it all ends.